Friday, July 9, 2010

Rending and Tearing

Hello, all.  For anybody who's ever had anything they've written edited, it's usually a rending and tearing experience.  FREAK, my upcoming memoir, is now being edited and I am in the usual state of flop sweat terror and semi-irritated self righteousness, all before seeing an edited word.  When you finally get the manuscript back, scrawled with the dreaded red marker, emotion sets in.  After the initial hop-skip-and-jump rage dance, at first directed toward myself (how could I have misspelled "myopic?"  ARGH!!), one can then proceed on passing the buck of anger toward the hapless editor.  What do you mean, that part's not necessary!  That's my baby!  You're an IDIOT!  A few days pass, you absorb the suggestions, realize you overreacted when you fantasized about burning the whole manuscript and sending her the ashes, and you get to work on deciding what's a good suggestion and what's not.  For an insecurity addict like me, that's the hardest part.  Insecurity likes to whisper your own shortcomings 24/7, letting you know that everything you do is crap, and oh,'re fat and ugly too and you have no sex appeal.  And if you have any kids, they hate you.  So do all your friends.  So, resist that pissy little voice, wipe the shit off your mental glasses, and work on seeing things clearly.  You're a miracle, no matter how low and skuzzy you might be at the moment.  Pick yourself up, make an effort to say something nice to youself every day (even if nobody else does and you don't believe it anyway), do one little act of kindness for someone else, and move forward.  If you want to feel worthy, then become worthy.  It's a slow process but you can do it. 

Now I should apologize for egging my editor's car...just kidding.

No comments:

Post a Comment